Chasing

By Solitary Mama On 2010/03/15 · 2 Comments · In Single Parenting Sucks

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. – Benjamin Franklin

Sunday was Daylight Savings Time and I woke up thinking it was 10 a.m. which is bad enough, imagine my horror when I looked at my cell phone and realized it was actually 11 a.m. Who sleeps til 11:00? That means I missed breakfast. That means it’s lunchtime.

And so the rest of the day is rushed and behind because, is there ever really enough time to get everything finished that needs to be finished?

I don’t spend enough time with her. I know I don’t. I can tell when she’s banging on the piano as loud as she can. I can tell when she’s reading her books so loudly I can’t think. I can tell when she begs me to play Hungry Hungry Hippos.

If you don’t have time for Hungry Hungry Hippos, just play any game. Please.

I’m sorry I just don’t have the time right now. Maybe tomorrow.

But, she knows probably not tomorrow. Even though we’re sitting right next to each other, we may not actually see each other until I’m reading her a book in bed. That is, unless we skip dinner or her shower or my shower…or work. Or work. How fortunate I am that I can work with her sitting next to me.

How unfortunate that I can work with her sitting next to me.

Better though that she’s with me. Selfish maybe that I won’t let someone else fill her time with her. Hard headed that I believe-really believe, that this is my responsibility. Somehow I have to figure out how to create, steal or borrow…

more time.

Comments

comments

Tagged with: time

Meya

Guilt… Plays games with our mind and often times, there are much simpler choices and decisions we ignore because of guilt. I was a single parent to two boys and I understand where you’re coming from. The thing is, I felt I had to provide more to make up for the missing father figure in their lives. Problem was, I was actually robbing them of ME… The one thing they needed and WANTED most! Like you, they are the world to me as she is to you. Sometimes it’s worth giving up the extras to give her that extra…time. No need to borrow it cause it’s there. She’s young enough to not care if she’s without materialistic things because the one thing she can’t be without, is YOU! Just some food for thought. Balancing finances, A career and family is quite a struggle but each one must be weighed on your own mental scale. In my mental scale… This time with them now is more precious than life itself. Time, whether stolen, borrowed or found… Can never be replaced. There will be a time when they become their own person, which won’t include you. Appreciate how much she loves you now!
Solitary Mama

I am weepy. How right you are about time and material things. I forget that being a good mother means more than just being able to provide…things. There has to be a balance and I hope to find it soon.

Thanks as always.