There’s nothing wrong with me.

There are still people out there that think any single woman over 30 has something very wrong with her. Clinical. Certifiable. Epically wrong. They’re not all old folks either, by the way. There are also people that believe any single woman over 30 that has a child should pretty much take whatever they’re given. Or whomever happens to show even the slightest interest, because after all:

You are not getting any younger.

I was eating dinner with my parents and my grandmother when someone happened to mention to grandma that I don’t cook. There are no real words to describe her look of disgust. “What? You don’t cook?!!” accompanied with vigorous head shaking translated into a bright and flashing message.

FAILURE AS A WOMAN.

And those dumb arrows pointed at me like a cheap hotel sign.

YOU. MISS NON COOKING SINGLE MOTHER. EPIC FAIL. DESTINED FOR LOSERNESS FOR ALL ETERNITY. BAHAHAHA…**

Seriously, it’s safe to assume that grandma was thinking “Ha! Good luck finding a man now, Ms. Failure as a Woman.” After all, my goal should be to find a man, right? One must cook and do all of those things to make men happy in order to get one.

No. Wonder. I’m. Single. Men are simple. Cook, sleep with them, keep the home tidy, do whatever makes him happy, and regardless of the shit sandwich he actually brings to the table, you may be lucky enough to be trapped with him dedicate your life to him and keep him for the rest of the time you spend on this earth. And just maybe, depending upon what you believe, if you’re extremely lucky and successful as a woman, you could even be blessed enough to be haunted by have him after your tour on earth as well! Wahoo!

Let’s look at my checklist:

Cook: No

Sleep With Him: No comment

Keep the Home Tidy: No

Do Whatever Keeps Him Happy: Not Likely

Eat Shit Sandwiches Provided By Him: Hells No

Summary: Damn. I may be single a while.

Please. Anything BUT Single Motherhood

I read recently in a TIME magazine article that originally the birth control pill was only prescribed for married women. The idea was that giving a single woman the option to control whether she became pregnant or not promoted promiscuity. Single women either did not have sex (morality still matters) or had sex and took their chances on whatever happened. If whatever happened happened to be pregnancy, they either chose abortion, adoption, or found someone really quick to get married to. Preferably whomever the father was, even if you realized after all, that you didn’t really like him that much. No one wanted to be a single mother.

Those were the days, huh? When women auto married after or during high school, had a posse of children and found themselves trapped with men that today would be left in the dust 2 months into dating. The era in which women were completely dependent upon men, and the fear of being on the street with 12 kids single handedly kept them married til death. At that time everyone knew divorce equaled solitary mama equaled death sentence.

Be as Single as You Wanna Be

Now look at us. Single women that are sometimes on the pill. Sometimes have sexual relations before marriage. Sometimes don’t get trapped into marriage. Almost never have to be married to be mommies. (I’m obviously not counting third world countries where divorce is punishable by death.)

Single women that even choose through envitro and other scientific like procedures to become single mothers on purpose. And no, I’m not just talking about lesbian mothers. Oftentimes, simply women who are tired of waiting for Mr. Right. Women who know they will be great mothers even without marriage. Women that are aware that admittedly, we aren’t getting any younger. Women that would rather make their own shit sandwich and eat it themselves rather than share one with a man. And yeah, sometimes even lesbians.

The greatest thing about the invention of the birth control pill? Not settling for Mr. Crappy just because we did what everyone said we had to do.

Even if you’re a mother.***

(By the way, happy 50th, birth control pill.)

**Disclaimer: I have a child and I am single. I do feed her. We eat very well. I do cook that which is required. Fear not.

***Don’t get me wrong, I do still believe that the family consisting of a mother and father is of course the ideal situation for a child. A mother and father that actually want to be together. It is lovely and convenient, but by no means a requirement.