Christmas Crap That Annoys Me

I had a whole different, angry rant set up to post but I figured it’s Christmas and I should probably write something cheery not as angry for the holidays. What kind of blogger worth his or her weight in SEO doesn’t have a Christmas post?

Some of us though are faced with a different problem. Okay, maybe just me. It would be totally fake for me to write about the 12 Things I Love About Christmas or the Best Christmas Songs Ever. People would think they were reading the wrong blog or that I was kidnapped by Ghost of Christmas Past or something. So, I decided to cover the Christmas crap that annoys me because 1) it will allow others to vent about crap that annoys them and 2) it will also provide a safe haven for said venting. Because, you know if you rant about Christmas in public, you’ll likely be accused of hating the baby Jesus.

Five… Lame Snow Pictures (Sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas)

Snow looks the same in every picture no matter who took it, in what yard and in which decade. I could put my uncle’s pictures of snow in your baby book with Baby’s First Winter under it and you wouldn’t know the difference. Even though we’ve had a snow shortage this year, it did not stop people from posting pics of the little bit of dirty snow that did hit the ground. Stop clogging up the Facebook feed with pictures of snow. Although it’s difficult to gauge exactly which is worse- a bunch of snow photos or all of those damn motivational memes, I do know there is something worse than both. Pornographic snow people pics. Keep the snow people out of porn.

4 Million Adaptations of A Christmas Carol

Charles Dickens would spit on everyone at the Lifetime channel and possibly the Hallmark channel also. Why are there so many adaptations of A Christmas Carol? We all know what happens whether Ebenezer is played by Tori Spelling or Bill Murray. Even Beavis and Butthead have a version of the Christmas Carol. Sometimes they’re sneaky, but I know what happens if 3 ghosts visit someone rotten.

I suggest we start remaking Charlie Brown Christmas with various bald B or C list actors playing Charlie Brown. The first person that should play Charlie Brown? Jason Alexander.

And Anyway, the Religion of Most Toys Trumps All

Tis the season also for the competition of religions. Nothing brings about the forcing of how to greet each other more than Christmas. Suddenly it’s everyone’s business how we greet each other and if I choose one  way or the other I’m unequivocally hating on someone’s religion. How many people are fighting about whose religion is better at this very second only because it’s Christmas time? The rest of the year no one really gives a damn. My answer of course is to just start greeting people with something totally irrelevant like DY-NO-MITE (ala Rerun and then doing a little dance to go with it) but even that would piss someone off. Maybe we should just be merry and stop wasting time trying to prove a point.

Grown Ups Stalking Santa Claus

He’s not real. I find it a bit disturbing when adults follow, track, friend or add Santa Claus on Twitter and Facebook. Grown ups that ask me what I want Santa to bring me for Christmas or if I’ve been a good girl are odd and pervy. You only have to pretend Santa and the elves are real when the kids are around. Otherwise, knock it off. It’s weird and annoying.

Insane Christmas Shoppers

I saw women literally running into Toys R Us last week. Believe me when I say running was not even necessary, because if it were, there’d be some sad kids in my family. Auntie Christi doesn’t run for very much least of all toys. Luckily, I found everything I needed while behaving like a civilized shopper. Besides, it’s Toys R Freakin Us. What kind of adult runs around a toy store? There is no sale big enough or toy so important that looking like an asshole in a toy store would be worth it.

There you go. My short list of Christmas crap that annoys me. What annoys you most about the holidays? You’re safe here. Promise.

(And by the way, Happy Holidays! ¹ )