For Those Who Are Breathing Underwater

By Solitary Mama On 2012/06/12 · 18 Comments · In Boring Parenting Stuff, I Don't Know Where Else to Put This, Kid Wisdom, Solitary Mama, Wisdom You Won't Use Anywhere

Amidst all of the ranting regarding the Girl Scouts, there is actually a different story. Not a good one or a bad one. Not a funny one, although it is a bit less painful in a way because it takes place in a hotel with a pool and not Walmart in winter. Maybe.

At this particular activity, Fantastic Girl Scout Leader and I give in to the pleas of the children to go swimming (even though that has nothing to do with why we are actually at the hotel). She did not want to change into her bathing suit, so I didn’t either anticipating that I would just chat with her poolside.

My daughter doesn’t know how to swim. Don’t worry, I kept a close eagle eye on her. I watched her wade through the shallow end of the pool and hang onto the sides when venturing into the deep end. I watched her jumping up and down on her tippy toes. I watched her splash back and forth, closer to the center of the pool and then back to grasp the edge of the pool. All the while, bouncing up and down and bobbing, bobbing…

I watched her jump up and go down…

and down…

Shit. She’s drowning.

And so I jumped my pretty purple dress wearing body into the pool and pulled her up. She coughed and gasped and cried a second, sat on the edge of the pool another second, and then said “thanks, Mom! I’m getting back in. I promise I won’t drown this time!”

I saved her. She is so brave.

I don’t swim that well. I swim well enough that I have never drowned or almost drowned like my daughter did. I have been pulled under and stuck under in a much different way.

My friends and I discuss how we’ve been feeling like we’re drowning lately and I think, my God, we are all treading water. Once in a while we bounce up and down…

Up and down…

And then down…

and down…

Until something pulls us up. Our friends. Our families. Our own voices telling ourselves that up there is better than down here. Our children. Just as I pulled my daughter from the pool, she is pulling me from the pool, except while I saved her once; she saves me often and doesn’t even know it.

She saves me and makes me brave.

A friend of mine used to say he was looking for the shoreline. I see the shoreline. I can even see people on the shore that seem to have made it and are having a fantastic damn time…

…while I tread and tread and bounce up and down. Bobbing, bobbing toward the middle where my toes don’t touch. In a different way, I’ve almost drowned.

She pulls me up and I’ve made this unspoken promise to her…

I’ll keep getting back in and I will not drown.

What keeps your head above water?

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Tagged with: Drowning • Girl Scouts • Looking for the shoreline

http://www.scarletwonderland.com/ Scarlett

This is so, so lovely Christina! You had me all choked up xxx

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

Thank you, Ms. Scarlett.

http://twitter.com/bubblegumcari Cari Wegner

Amazing post, my friend. You said it so beautifully, my kids save me everyday. They’ve changed me, they make me push myself harder and not give up. Such a great perspective. You are a good Mama, girl. Your daughter is as lucky to have you, as you are her.

All that treading water builds muscles; makes us stronger.

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

Kinda dont have a choice when you have kids. It’s like do or die. Which doesn’t sound as inspirational but it’s true. You’re right about the muscles. Thanks, Cari

sunithi

My youngest doesn’t swim V well too, which reminds me I need to step up the swim lessons this summer. Good job on saving her What keeps me above water… well my family for one, esp the kids. I tend to get agressive about mothering and wifeing when things get hard. Like my way of investing into things that matter. I also find comfort in spending quiet time with myself listening to music and being introspective and trying to figure what I can learn from stuff that happens and alway trying to look at my glass as half full and not half empty. Storms can be hard, but there’s always calm after the storm and waves make you stronger. Your kid is lucky to have a strong mamma like you !

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

Thanks, Sue. My daughter is starting swimming lessons this summer. She’s super excited, plus almost drowning wasn’t really that much fun for her. I agree that we have to focus on investing into things that matter. What we think matters gets kinda screwy sometimes.

http://twitter.com/thehost_or_mom Julia

Thank you. I needed this reminder today.

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

You’re welcome, Julia. Keep your head up

http://darkstormyloopy.blogspot.com/ WowThatWasAwkward

Wow, look at you, writing something all serious, deep and effing good!

I just deleted a long response about long tunnels and finding the light at the end and how my kids inspire me and all that but realized your post says it all so well, so why don’t I just say so and shut the hell up. Consider it said.

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

Your analogy sounds similar to death (ie tunnels and lights etc etc). It was either this, or I was going to elaborate on the comment I left on your blog about not needing deodorant.

http://darkstormyloopy.blogspot.com/ WowThatWasAwkward

You do like to talk about your armpits.

http://profiles.google.com/nixkuroi Mike Simon

Pretty much my daughter kept me from falling off the earth a few years ago during the divorce. If I’d lost the fight for joint custody, I kind of doubt I’d have made it. For the following four years when I was the best paid pauper I knew, I often wondered what the hell I was doing it all for, but then she’d come home and I’d remember again. Before she was born, there were times in my life when keeping my dog alive was more important than keeping myself alive. Things are better now, but I can sometimes feel myself drifting back out. I only have to wait as long as it takes to see my kids to start paddling back.

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

Funny how they do that. I suppose before kids there is always something else. Finding it is probably what makes the difference.

http://twitter.com/JoSeaquist Jo Seaquist

I found your blog recently–you’re hilarious!–and I love that you can write a post like this as well. It says a lot that your daughter was ready to get right back in the water. I’m guessing she gets that from her mama.

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

Thank you, Jo. Yeah…all the great stuff she got from me. For sure.

http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

I’m late as hell. But hope you aren’t still crying.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Og-Casanova/100000375603530 Og Casanova

Nice piece. To be honest, I’m a little impress due to the fact I read the whole thing. Most of the time I quit reading articles or any story in the first couple of paragraphs. As a complete stranger, good job!